Remember when I said I had my last fill last week? Well I lied. The following weekend I tried on one of my old bras (one of the two I hadn’t given away) and there was at least 2 inches of clearance between where the skin was and the cloth started, if that makes sense. So now I was faced with a decision: try to get closer to my old size and face more pain and discomfort from the fills, or stay where I was at. I know I will never feel the same there again, but I could at least try to look as similar to my old self as possible, at least for my own psychological reasons (mastectomy recovery is hard, you have to be really tough to deal with the emotional side of it). So I talked it through with my surgeon yesterday and he agreed with me. So now I’m at 470cc going to 500. I’m at my breaking point though, as my chest muscle refuses to stretch any more so the expanders are pulling from my back now. My back muscles are literally being torn apart in different directions. This is more painful than the actual mastectomy. And of course this starts happening as soon as I go back to work. As a nanny. Where I lift children all day.
In the car on the way to work this morning at 6am I actually hit the level of pain that makes you scream “BALLS!” at the top of your lungs. I do have prescription pain pills I can take, but I don’t feel comfortable taking them when I’m at work. Where I’m at for 10-12 hours at a time. Lucky for me, the kids (seem to) understand and the eldest of them is super helpful.
Anyway, enough complaining. I got my new surgery date yesterday! (Ya know, the ones where I get rid of my rocks for actual real life implants) and it’s the week after I turn 21! Happy birthday to me!
I also figured out what I’ll call the new boobs (expanders are known as foobs), they’ll be my “McBoobs” because they’re not real boobs 😂 I can’t take credit for that stroke of genius idea though, (you know who you are).
I made an appointment to see a new doctor, a gynecological oncologist. When I called to make the appointment and the receptionist asked for my birth date, I encountered some trouble. Actual dialogue:
Her: date of birth?
Me: no, 1993.
Her: he’s not going to want to see you.
Me: listen, I did not just chop my boobs off to have my ovaries do me in.
Her: July 3rd at 10am.
That’ll be an interesting appointment. I have a while before I’ll consider a salpingo-oophorectomy and hysterectomy (bye bye tubes, ovaries, and uterus) but I want to start doing baseline CA-125 tests. I’m sure I’ll have lots to say after that appointment!
Hope everyone is doing well! Besides the fill discomfort I am better than ever. Life is great and getting better. Let the countdown to surgery begin!