Final Pre-Op + My Heart Growing 3 Sizes

Things I’ve learned today-

1. You can drink coffee as soon as you’d like after surgery (yippee!)
2. Apparently I am, “determined”, “fierce”, and “independent” which were the three adjectives the PR team at the hospital  used to describe me to my doctor.  Whether the underlying message is something less attractive (i.e. assertive, controlling), who knows, but I certainly am doing whatever it takes to protect my family and myself during recovery.
3. Surgical markers are like tattoos. They never. Come. Off.  Seriously. I scrubbed for at least 10 minutes in the shower, yet there is still a pretty purple circle on my upper right breast…which brings me to a side story…

…Nothing like a cancer scare to remind you exactly why you’re having preventative surgery.  Luckily today’s scare was short lived. The surgeon found an abnormal lump while doing an exam and ordered an ultrasound.  She was clear from the beginning it was nothing to worry about, especially since it’s being removed next week anyhow, but there was still that initial moment of terror when you hear the words ‘abnormal’ and ‘lump’ when a doctor is giving you a breast exam.  I also learned that next week when they do the surgery, all of the breast tissue they remove gets sent to pathology.  Not time for me to worry yet.  I’ll leave that to the doctors.

Next week…I can say that now. Next. Week.  I’ve been counting down the days since August, since there were over 200 to go. And now look, 10 days until I’m put under to remove the part of my body that has plagued me with anxiety for years.

I have a feeling these 10 days are going to fly by, there’s so much on my to-do list that I barely have time to sit and be nervous for the surgery.  I’ve got loads to look forward to- lots of time watching some of my favorite kiddos, haircut date with my grandma, seeing my sister in the final play of her high school career, shopping for my new post-op wardrobe, and the “going away” party my roommates and I are having for my close friends.  Well, party may be a stretch. I’ve never been a fan of the college party scene so I think gathering is a better word for it.  That will be fun, we’re making bra-shaped cookies and the music playlist includes some good puns (Rack City & Milkshake, of course) and there will be lots of pink balloons and streamers.  Basically, I’m spending my pre-surgery time with my favorite people, the ones that always make me happy and give me unconditional support 🙂  Sometimes I feel so much love that I’m left walking around Kroger smiling like an idiot with tears rolling down my face, forcing the employee that drew the short straw to come up to me and ask, “Are you okay ma’am?”

Yeah, I’m okay.  Just realizing how wonderful life is when you let go of the negativity and surround yourself with the things and people that make you happy.

That line from the Grinch is incredibly appropriate for how I’m feeling right now, “The Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches, plus two”.  Through all of this, my heart has grown three sizes, and I’ve found the true meaning of love and life.  And man, oh man, have I found the strength of ten Grinches, plus two.

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